Things I Wish I Had Known #11: It's Hard Being A Young Woman

Note: I have successfully driven golf balls wearing everything from sandals to stilettos. To quote a Bob Thaves comic, "Sure he [Fred Astaire] was great, but don't forget Ginger Rogers did everything he did backwards and in high heels."

Here is the advice I wish someone would have given me when I was younger.

1. Be aware of your surroundings constantly. Look out for other women. If I see a young woman being followed in a parking lot, I will wait to see if she makes it into her car safely. The extra minute of my time is worth it, and my instincts tend to be correct.

2. Other people will try to pit you against other women. It's not a competition you need or want to be involved in because it won't bring happiness.

3. You are allowed to take up space, and you don't need to contort yourself into the smallest version of yourself to make someone sitting next to you on a plane or public transit more comfortable.

4. You don't need to apologize for having an opinion. I think I followed up a lot of my thoughts with "I'm sorry" when I was younger, but why should I be sorry for thinking and forming my own opinion?

5. What you are wearing is never an excuse for someone else's poor behavior.

6. You could and should try to be kind, empathetic, and compassionate as much as possible, but you are allowed to push back if you feel like someone is treating you poorly. It doesn't make you a bad person.

7. You're most likely going to get called something derogatory at some point. The first time someone said it to me, I felt like I had been slapped. Don't take it personally. It says more about the person saying it than it does you.

8. You do not need to smile all of the time; you especially don't need to smile when someone says, "you're so much prettier when you smile." You're not a doll; you're entitled to your emotions.

9. Own whatever you accomplish. Yes, it's lovely to give credit to the people who helped you along the way and you should thank people, but you also need to take pride in your accomplishments. Nobody will take ownership of your mistakes.

10. You aren't obligated to get married, change your last name, have children by any age. Maybe you want those things and maybe you don't. Make the best choices for you, not the choices that society says is normal.

11. People will feel free to comment on your appearance and weight. Don't spend much time listening to it or thinking about it. Who you are on the inside matters more than how you look and lasts a lot longer.

12. You are allowed to call men out on "mansplaining." Will the guy get mad at you? My experience has been that men don't enjoy when I do that. I also don't care. Time is the most invaluable thing you own, and maybe you will save some other woman from the same fate.

13. If you're small, kind, and female, there will be some people who believe you are weak. Kindness and strength are not mutually exclusive; in fact, I would argue that kindness takes strength. Believe in yourself.

14. A part of your body is not a resting spot for someone's hand. I've tried the polite moving of my chair or moving as far away as I can. If that doesn't work, I have been pretty upfront about my willingness to use my nails as claws. These situations happened in settings where I should have felt safe, i.e. my time tutoring in undergrad. I was getting paid to help people with their writing not to be manhandled.

15. Your self-worth has to come from within you. It's not healthy to allow other people to determine your worth.

16. Speak up! You might get called "aggressive" or "too much," but nothing changes if people stay silent.

17. You are never too old or proper to play. I rarely pass up the opportunity to climb up a jungle gym or monkey bars. Most of my favorite moments with my nephews or friends involve playing outside or games in the house. It's good for the soul.

18. You are allowed to be whatever mix of characteristics you want to be. Growing up, I absorbed a lot of media that hammered home the message that you need to have "X" characteristics to be good. Those are stereotypes. Even now, the majority of books, television shows, and movies about women are written and or directed by men.

19. You will encounter many people who tell you that you can't do something, but you can and will. Don't give up on yourself or your dream.

20. In general, being a good friend is the only way to have a good friend. I've never understood women who "can't get along with other women." That's half the population. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have any friends who were women.